Pregnant with Twins ? Put your Feet up !

If you are pregnant with twins - or more ! then I say stop try and stop working as early as possible - I think 29 weeks is when you can start maternity leave, and take lots of rest.  Or if you are still feeling physically comfortable at work and are not being overworked then maybe you will be OK. But please read on and consider what happened to me.

I had twins quite a number of years ago now. (I finally have time to take a rest and write a blog post !!)  I stopped at 29 weeks, for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was working on a temporary project so I didn't really have a job to go back to, so there was not much point in working right up to the date I was due etc.  It was also becoming increasingly uncomfortable to do the 30 mile car journey every day. And it was high summer so the heat was also getting hard to take.

So I stopped work. And another thing that happened towards the end of my pregnancy was that I got a very painful trapped nerve or sciatica type thing in my leg. And the only way to relieve it was to rest or lie on the couch for a large part of the day. I could usually manage to stand up for an hour or so to go out for lunch or shopping or whatever but I had to rest for the bulk of the day.

The other thing was that I worked in a hospital and had ready access to books about "having twins" from the medical library. I discovered that in America, the mums were very much recommended to take a lot of rest. But I didn't hear this at all from the doctors I saw here in the UK.

And I don't know if the extra rest helped, but of the six mums in my town who were all (by sheer chance) expecting twins in the same week, I was the only one who made it to "term", which for twins is 38 weeks.  I had to be induced at that point as the babies were no longer growing etc and the placenta was no longer helping them.

Some of the other families ended up in hospital for a month etc in the special care baby unit.  I ended up there for a week, but really we were very lucky that they weren't early, with all the health problems etc that that can involve.  I did find out that as I had one who was lying breach, the new recommendations are that I should have had a caesarian and I sort of think that might have been good as you always wonder if the second twin out maybe loses out on oxygen etc...

However I am being sidetracked !

• This blog post is firstly a plea to mums and dads and everyone connected with pregnant mums to make sure the pregnant mum takes it easy and can get some rest. Especially if expecting twins or more.

• And secondly, we really do need to have longer maternity leave and pay for twin/triplet mums as its harder work beforehand when you are pregnant and then it gets even harder as you have to care for two tiny tots and make sure they are fed etc. 

The "Middle" needs a voice in politics or we will never see sense in the UK

The UK has been ruled for my whole life by extremes. We have swayed between :

• left wing governments who were profligate with spending and had little understanding of the private sector 

and .....

• right wing governments who had little understanding of caring roles or of valuing the NHS

But.... the problem is   THE MIDDLE GROUND DOESN'T HAVE A VOICE !!!

Because we have a constituency based voting system for the UK Parliament, where areas are either well off areas with perhaps some less well off or poorer areas with perhaps some slightly better off areas .... but overall the "middle" vote is spread country wide, while the Conservative, right wing vote is focussed in affluent areas and the left wing Labour (or SNP if in Scotland) vote is focussed in other areas.

So the result for the General Election 2015 shows that from 36.9 % of the vote, the Conservatives have over 300 seats.

If we portray this graphically :

And then if we add in the Number of Seats each party got, the discrepancy in our voting system shows up.  

But its only when you look at how % of vote translate into % of seats held in House of Commons that you realise how great the discrepancy is. (this graph exludes votes for "Others" eg DUP/Plaid Cymru):

As a frequent Lib Dem supporter I am used to this ! Often 30% of the vote lead to hardly any seats.

And were you aware that big names like Tony Blair, Margaret Thatcher often had only small percentages of the vote. Rarely a majority of the "popular vote" across the UK.

So if you want to change this lets work towards it. The electoral Reform Society works to improve things. We have Proportional Representation in the Scottish parliament and it works reasonably well. Certainly better than the Westminster System.  Because just think for example, how many more would have voted Green if they had had the remote chance of getting in in many constituencies. Proportional Representation means "YOUR VOTE COUNTS" and you can vote for the Party you REALLY BELIEVE IN !

And ... perhaps we can have a re-run of the 2011 vote on Electoral voting system reform. I personally do not remember this vote. And it was based on a low turnout and I suspect people just did not understand the issues. Or if you were a Labour or Conservative you understood it all too well and voted to protect your situation where you receive an unfair number of seats for your percent of the vote. But is that really a healthy situation ? No! Because it does not reflect the electorate. And parliament will only work if everyone has a say in it. The situation now in Scotland at General Election 2015 means that 50% of the vote has taken almost a clean sweep of the seats. Now that is not a healthy situation.
(Ref: 2011 voting system vote : http://www.electoralcommission.org.uk/find-information-by-subject/elections-and-referendums/past-elections-and-referendums/referendums/2011-UK-referendum-on-the-voting-system-used-to-elect-MPs) and what we voted about :: http://www.electoral-reform.org.uk/alternative-vote

The Other Woman !

A very brief explanation as this concept seems to be difficult for people to understand.

Babies and Toddlers do not look after themselves.
They need to be fed and watered and cleaned (the mundane tasks) and at a higher level they need to be interacted with and shown new things in the world, and for their enjoyment of life and building of a firm psychological foundation its great if they can actually have some fun thrown in as well.  And then there are the more technical things such as learning to swim, learning to climb, ride a bike, how to hold a pencil, how to listen to others, build sand castles, paint etc etc. All of these need a little bit of adult help along the way, even if its just to sweep up the sand and to rescue various nearby objects from a toddler with a paintbrush !

So what my post is about is prompted by the supposedly exciting news that a youngish woman in quite a public role has finally reached 38 weeks pregnant and has managed to stagger in to work in the fairly high public role she occupies. (the fact that people have been doing this in all sorts of occupations for many years seems to be overlooked) This seems to be news nowadays !!
And apparently by her taking maternity leave this somehow means that the Glass Ceiling has just been smashed.............

Now my first thought is that there have been numerous women in prominent roles for many years. Certainly in the area of medical physics that I worked and in medicine etc and University sphere there were many distinguished women and many women who just got on with their jobs. They seem to me to have been a different breed from this current type of women who seem to be in the news and who seem to occupy in particular politics and perhaps the media too.

So this working woman is being met with great acclaim and she is going to take maybe a year off to look after her baby and an older child too.  Now once she goes back to work, to great praise and acclaim as this is the new equal opportunities modern world, Ha Ha, the thing that gets forgotten about is ........................................................ THE OTHER WOMAN !!!!

Or should I say the other man / woman / gender neutral person who will be looking after the baby and toddler. Because as I explained earlier, they do actually have to be looked after !!

And funnily enough some women, myself included, actually chose or have chosen to look after their own child.

In either case - there is ONE CHILD CARER  and ONE WORKER !!

But in fact in the first situation we have one person who demands Mega-Respect (Respect with a capital R) and one person (THE OTHER WOMAN) who receives minor respect (small r).  They both get paid for their job so this ensures the respect.

In the second situation, there is one person working (Respect) and one non worker who is looking after their own children (= Hard Work) (=Fun) (= can be good for the child's psychological wellbeing) but this person does not get respect from society. Strange that !!

The first situation pulls in masses of subsidies - two personal allowances within the family and a third for the child carer. The mother in second case does not receive a personal allowance.  There are childcare subsidies in the first case and various councils and organisations promote the business of the childcarer)

But we need to sort out this situation to create a more level playing field because currently in our society in the UK it is becoming very difficult for the second situation to be a possibility, and dare I say it, but the more I see and observe of families who try to care for their youngsters at weekends having been working all week, I have to say I think they could do with a good healthy dose of actually learning how to look after their own children.  And I have to say that there are so many tips etc passed around mothers (and fathers) at things like toddler groups that in fact that is really where you learn to bring up your children. You learn tips such as the fact that young children should only be given grapes sliced, and also you can watch your child interacting with other children and you can direct them to be a more caring, sharing individual or help to smooth over situations before they get out of control etc. You are teaching children how to get on with each other and getting them ready to flourish once they hit the big wide world of school nursery and school itself.  And, you are also very much part of a community with the other families and children.

So please remember children do not look after themselves !
(I wonder if it could be a male agenda that has allowed this downgrading of the recognition that this role exists at all ............ hmm !)

And....on another aspect, surely it would be better for women to think of taking a few years out to take care of their children and then return to work raring to go once the children are older. I certainly know quite a few mothers in my acquaintance who are returning to full time work once their children are more like secondary school age or dare I say it even older. But these people are so much more ready to devote themselves to the workplace rather than being drawn in two directions and doing neither job particularly well.  In addition just as a little extra, so many lucky families I know have grandparents who are fit and healthy and very much involved with the family and the childcare. But if you dont have that for whatever reason then really your family needs some extra help. But the way society is pushing it, again its the lucky ones who are angling for subsidies, the ones who already get help.

Anyway as you may have noticed, if you have even read this far, I have diversified and come way off topic as per usual.

But my main point is that its all very well having your politically correct statements about family friendly policies etc etc but the fact is children do not look after themselves.